he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
