3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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