I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
