We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
