Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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