i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
