Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The adults are the big ones right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
