I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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