My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
