somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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