i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
