Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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