mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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