Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
