Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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