Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Still dying that you shit outside
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
