The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
