I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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