You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i drank out of a bidet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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