I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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