We're facebook friends in real life
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
