Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
