He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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