I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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