Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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