Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
