I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
