fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
