Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
