So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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