lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
