Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
3pm strippers are depressing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
