she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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