it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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