Yo dont text me then not text me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
