Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
