ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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