in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
