I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
