I just saw a hot homeless man
It's Friday. Sex?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
