he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
