I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
