some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
