I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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