i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
