I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't deserve a penis
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
