My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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