Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
