it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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