i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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